Routine

We got into a routine, daily calls, daily phone pics, monthly visits. I needed this schedule to keep my sanity. We would end a visit and we would be planning our next. It was comfortable, like mid winter sitting by the fire with your cozy wool socks on.  Of course we traded trips, one month I would go there, the next here. It seemed to be working, but it was a bit draining.
The first visit was to their house. I hadn't driven there by myself yet, and being only a few weeks postpartum I didn't want to start now. I took the train in ending in Grand Central Station in NYC. Presley met me at the station. I got into his car and he gave me a warm smile. A genuine happiness flooded his face. He stated to me that he had been concerned about my depression, to the point that he called Tom privately to talk about it. Tom assured him that, yes this was a different situation but I always have struggled with Postpartum depression. He explained that with support from everyone I would be fine.This fact made my face heat up, I was touched that they were concerned about me. I was thrilled that they weren't thinking I was this crazy women who wanted her baby back. That was never it.  I missed him, he was a part of me, I was his mother, but they were his parents.  They were his home.
That first visit Aiden was only a few weeks old. Their full time nanny was their when I arrived. She was holding him and quickly brought him over to me. Their nanny Kate, has always encouraged the correct vocabulary with the kids. Example, Look how he's smiling at Mommy". Again, reassuring my role in their lives. I was still breastfeeding at this time, and I was anxious to see if he would latch. He did right away, and although he needed a bottle to top him off, I was overjoyed that I could still give him the milk, I wished I could pump for him full time. During our visits Aiden would sleep with me, at least during one point of the night.
We all went out to a restaurant with some friends of the guys. The waitress came around, who they seemed to know. She asked who's beautiful baby is that? Presley with a large warm smile, looked at me and said, "Well, that's his mother.", She had known about the pregnancy and congratulated the three of us. It was a proud moment.
Goodbyes are always the toughest part of our relationship. I have to get myself psyched up for it. During this visit (later visits I just drive down and it seems less stressful) I held it together, I nursed him and thought, In one month he may not want to nurse. But, I would continue to pump some breast milk for him. That was a bitter sweet moment. I remember it being rushed because of my departure time. But, wanting the moment to just keep running like a record that plays the same song over and over. You know, your favorite song you could listen to again and again.
We said our goodbyes and made our next date. We also had to start planning. They wanted another baby.